Sexuality - Sexuality General


30/05/2006
I’m currently engaged to be married next summer and although my fiancé and I are not sexually active, I do spend the night at his house twice a week. Is this wrong? I know that if we lived together, that would be considered living in sin. But is staying over for the night sinful if we’re not having sex?

That’s a great question. But my question would be, how can two people that want to be married, that love each other, that are attracted to each other, and that are drawn to each other, how could you spend the night with each other and not want to have sex? Maybe you do want to have sex, but maybe you restrain yourself and you don’t have sex. But I think it’s very difficult to put yourself in a situation that is tempting.

The Bible says, “Flee from the appearance of evil.” So I would encourage you to be careful not to put yourself in a situation. Is it sin for you to spend the night at his house? Not necessarily. But the Bible says, “All things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable.” Even if you were living together, and you weren’t sleeping together and having sex, I don’t find it in the Bible where that is a sin. But I find that when two people are attracted to each other and they’re alone, I find that to be hard to resist. And so I would stay out of situations like that.

To answer your question, I don’t find in the Bible where it’s a sin to spend the night, but I do find that it’s hard to be in a tempting situation and not stumble. So don’t cause your brother to stumble. In this case, don’t cause your fiance to stumble because you spend the night at his house. He’s obviously likes you, that’s why he wants to marry you. So, I would be cautious of that, and I would flee from the appearance of evil. 1 Thessalonians 5 tells us to run from the appearance of it—and not just the evil itself. Because it’s not evil to be engaged, but to flee from the appearance of something that would lead you to sin or lead others to believe that you were engaging in sin.


Sexuality - Sexuality General


12/04/2006
I’ve been battling with masturbation. And from time to time I’ll go on the internet and I’ll just be looking up stuff for this and that and something will come across and I’ll just click it on. And I just keep on going further and further to the point where I just keep on masturbating. The thing that’s hurting me is I know I’m not supposed to do it, but I keep on doing it and I don’t want to do it anymore, but I keep on doing it. And I just don’t want God to think that I enjoy doing this. It’s something that I’m fighting; it’s not something that I’m encouraging. I don’t want to do it anymore.

First of all, I want to let you know that I’m proud of you for being honest and being transparent and open. I understand. And God knows what you’re dealing with. That’s the first thing that you need to know. He’s not mad at you. He’s not upset. He’s not surprised. He’s not shocked. He’s not like, “Oh my God; how could he do this?” He knows what you’ve done. He knows what you’re struggling with. And He know that there are thousands of men listening right now, thousands of men, millions of men around the world who are struggling with the same thing and many of them are not honest about it like you are. So that’s the first key to anything is to be honest and transparent about it.

The second thing that I want you to understand is that you’re no different than Paul the Apostle. You’re in good company because Paul the Apostle says in Romans chapter 7, “The thing that I don’t want to do, I end up doing. And the thing I want to do, I end up not being able to do. So, now what do I do?” And that’s basically what Romans chapters 6 and 7 are all about.

The good news is that Romans chapter 6 & 7 is not the end of the book of Romans; it goes on to chapter 8. And chapter 8 is where the victory is. It’s where the Promised Land is, it’s where you’re going to find your sense of victory. I want to encourage you to read chapters 7 & 8 of Romans.

First of all, you’ve got to take the pressure off of yourself. God’s not going to judge you and God’s not mad at you. So, first take the pressure off. Secondly, you’ve got to be honest, which you’ve done. Thirdly, you have to recognize that you’re not alone, that you’re not the only one dealing with the thing you’re dealing with. Paul the Apostle had struggles with sin and temptation – maybe not the same ones you’re dealing with. And even though Jesus never sinned, the Bible says we have a High Priest who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. So, those are the first things of importance that I need to share with you.

Now, here are six simple steps to break free from lust and break the addiction to masturbation or any sexual sin.

Number one, you must be honest to God about your situation. You’ve got to go to Him. Psalm chapter 32 says, “When I kept silent about my sin, my body wasted away as with the fever heat of summer. So, number one, we’ve got to be honest with God, admit it God, and admit it to yourself.

Number two; pour your heart out to God. Tell Him how much you want to do this but you don’t want to do it. How tempting it is but how you know it’s wrong. Tell Him. Be honest. Don’t say, “Oh Lord, I never want to do this again. I never want to do this again.” That’s a lie. You know you want to do it again. People do want to sin again. And we need to be honest and not pretend that we don’t really want to do it when in our minds and in our flesh, we really do. Our heart doesn’t want to sin, but our flesh does. And we need to pour our heart out to God and say, “Lord, I’m struggling. I’ve wanted to do this and I don’t want to do it. I’m confused. I’m caught in the middle and I need help. And pour your heart out to God and ask for help. Hebrews 4:15-16.

Number three; meditate on the Word of God. Psalm 119:9 says, “How can a young man remain pure, sexually pure?” And then the answer is, “by keeping his way according to the Word of God.” So, we have to meditate on the Word, meditate on the Word, meditate on the Word. And we will be able to remain pure as we think of the Word, as we read the Word, as we speak the Word out of our mouth.

Number four, take communion. People say, “Well, I can’t take communion until I get rid of this sin.” No, take communion and say, “Lord, I am taking communion because when I drink this cup, I am drinking the blood of Jesus that will deliver me from this lust. I am believing that the blood of Jesus is enough to cleanse me and to set me free from the power of this lust – whether its masturbation or lust or pornography, whatever it is. I believe, Lord, that when I take communion, You’re going to set me free.” Most people will tell you that you have to stop sinning before you take communion, but that’s not true. You have to take communion and say, “Lord, I believe your blood is worthy enough to deliver me from this sin.”

Number five, stop condemning yourself. You have to get out of the habit of beating yourself up when you stumble. You go to God, you confess it to Him and He’ll cleanse you and wash you from it, but don’t beat yourself up about it. You’re going to find that that step alone will set you more free than you ever thought you could be before.

And number six, have someone in your church hold you accountable. Find somebody that you can trust in your church – one of the pastors, one of the elders, one of the department leaders that you can trust – and have them hold you accountable on a regular basis, not just once in a while. Tell them, “Look, I’m struggling with this and I want you to ask me every three or four days how I’m doing in this area and I’m going to be honest with you.” You follow those 6 steps and you will be well on your path to freedom. This is the way out.


Sexuality - Sexuality General


12/04/2006
What’s the difference between fornication and adultery?

Fornication is any sex outside of marriage. So people who are not married to each other and who are having sex are guilty of fornication. But they are only also committing adultery if one or both of them is married.

Sexuality - Sexuality General


12/04/2006
I’ve been serious with a girl, and recently I discovered that she is a virgin and is saving herself for marriage, which I fully support 100%. The thing is: I don’t want to marry a virgin. Sex is a very important part of a marriage, and I prefer to be with a girl who knows what she’s doing.

If you are willing to let go of a woman because she’s a virgin, then you are missing the whole point. She’s what you want! That is the very essence of holy matrimony.

When a woman has kept herself for marriage, that is the greatest honor she can give you. Why would you want a woman who has been involved with other men – and who could later be involved with other men again?

It’s good for a man to have a wife who is a virgin. She’s not going to be a virgin after your wedding night; she will know what to do. God created men and women to know what to do during the act of sex. They don’t need to have been involved with other people to know what to do. They will know what to do instinctively and by educating themselves. She’ll want to learn what will please you, and you should want to know what will please her. If you are not going to get involved with somebody else after you get married to a woman, why would you want somebody who has been?

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t marry somebody who has had sex in the past. What I am saying is that God set marriage and sex up for both people to be virgins. You can get married after you’ve had sex in the past, but know that it was wrong . . . it didn’t contribute to you having a healthy marriage. It actually contributes to problems in marriage. That is why God wants to protect us from that, and that is why the Bible teaches us not to be involved in immorality.


Sexuality - Sexuality General


12/04/2006
Is it good for married couples to watch porn?

No. I don’t believe it is good for anybody to watch pornography. Pornography is a spiritual force of lust and sexual sin. Is it okay for men and women to study godly, biblical books on having a better sex life? Absolutely. But they should do it in a controlled environment where it will not lead them to temptation other than to be involved with each other.

Pornography is wicked and will open the door to so many other sins. It will open the door to greed, selfishness, anger, putting demands on the other person and unrealistic expectations that they are not able to fulfill. So no, I don’t endorse that ever in any situation.


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