After 6 years of being married, my husband told me that he does not love me anymore and will not love me as long as he lives. What shall I do to bring back the love he had for me then? I don't want to lose him. I want to save our marriage. I just won't give up.
That’s a tough question and a tough situation. First of all, thank God that
you’ve only been married six years. I think that if you’ve only been married six
years, certainly your husband must remember the time that he was in love with
you because it sounds to me like you’re saying there was a time that you did
love each other.
And so, the thing that you do in a situation like that is to pray. You pray that
God would soften his heart. You pray that God would put in his heart the love
that he had for you once before. God is able to do that. He is faithful and He
is well able to do that. You need a miracle in this situation and you need to
ask God for a miracle.
In the meantime, you need to identify what were the things that he loved most
about you when he was in love with you. What were the things that he loved about
you? Was it your hair? Was it your perfume? Was it how you dressed? Was it how
you took care of yourself? Maybe you’re not taking care of yourself anymore. Go
back to how you took care of yourself then. Six years is not that long. You
can’t be that much older. You can’t be much different of a person. Even though
I’m sure you’ve improved, you can’t be that different of a person that he
wouldn’t love the person that he once did. Maybe you have to look at “What are
the things that he loved about you at that time?” and then try to recapture
Also, get counseling. People should never end a marriage without seeking godly
counseling and godly help so that they can do everything that they know to do.
You have to do everything that you can to make peace with this man. You have to
do everything in your power.
In the end, you won’t be able to control him, you won’t be able to make him love
you, but you have to do everything you can so that you’re not the reason why he
doesn’t want to stay married to you. Let it be because of him, not because of
you. So what do you do? You identify what you did and what he loved about you in
the past. Try to recapture that. You pray for him. Pray that God will move on
his heart. And you get counseling.
Those are the three things that you can do. And continue to be kind to him
because the soft answer turns away wrath. So you have to make sure that when you
speak to him, it’s with softness and kindness and that you’re trying to meet his
felt needs. He has needs – not just sexually, but emotionally and he’s got an
ego. And you need to try to identify what it is that builds him up and you might
find that he really will fall in love with you again.
My husband moved out of the household earlier this year and I’ve been praying about it, fasting, giving. What do I do now? It’s not like he’s willing at this point to go to even counseling.
That really helps you to give you the green light to move on with your life.
Romans 12:19 says, “As much as it has to do with you, be at peace with all men.”
So as much it has to do with you be at peace with your spouse. You can’t control
what somebody else does; only what you do so as much as it has to do with you,
be at peace. So, you’ve tried to be at peace with your husband. You’ve tried to
reach out to him. You’ve tried to ask for counseling with him. He’s not open to
any of those things.
So, what you should do now is pray for him, turn him over into the hands of God
and at some point, have a moment of communication with him where you can sit
down and say, “Alright, do you have any interest? I want to work this
relationship out. I want to make it work. I want to fix it. I want us to get
where we need to get. Are you open to doing that in any way?” And you put the
ball back in his court. And if he responds positively, get into a good
counseling program at your church. And if he responds negatively as he has
already up to this point, then get on with God’s will for your life and move on.
Don’t feel guilty that you’re not doing enough because if you’re doing
everything that you can do, you can’t control him. So, release it into the hands
of God. Cast the care of it on the Lord and everything’s going to be alright.
My husband left me five years ago; we are not divorced. I’ve prayed for reconciliation, but how do I hear what God wants me to do?
God wants you to live by the Word of God. He wants you to find fulfillment from your relationship with Him. You can’t rely on somebody else to fulfill you; only God can fulfill you and satisfy you. So as hard as it is, you need to let go and move on with your life. Your husband left you; you didn’t leave him, so you need to move on with your life. You are not doing anything wrong. God is not going to hold you guilty. Move on with joy, with peace, and without any guilt.
My husband and I have been separated for one year. We’ve been in communication; going out to dinner on a regular basis and talking on the phone. He is really in a backslidden mode right now and has decided that he wants to go ahead and file for divorce. In fact, he filed for divorce without discussing it with me. During our marriage we had a lot of interference from his mother, who was always against this marriage for whatever her reasons are. Yet, I don’t want to put asunder what God has joined.
Okay, that’s a tough situation. I have to be honest and frank with you. Don’t
try to hold on to a man who has already made up his mind that he doesn’t want
anything to do with you. You’ve been separated already for a year, his mother
interferes with you, and he doesn’t want to be married to you. He’s gone behind
You’ve got to take a clue, take a hint from it. It’s not even a subtle hint;
it’s very obvious that this man is selfish and wants to live his own life his
own way and doesn’t want to be with you, so why would you want to be with
somebody who doesn’t want to be with you? And why would anybody want to be with
somebody who doesn’t really want to be with them?
You know, yes, God hates divorce. But we have to be a little more open-minded
and realistic about God’s Word, and realize that God’s Word doesn’t say that the
only case for divorce is adultery. He said He granted people a certificate of
divorce because of a hardness of heart. If somebody was lying continually and
they never committed adultery, but I couldn’t trust them, I wouldn’t stay with
them. I would be happy to stand before God and say, “Look, Lord, I couldn’t stay
with this person, because they lied to me and I could never know when they were
telling the truth and I could never trust them about anything.”
You see, a relationship has got be built on trust. And if you don’t have trust,
you don’t have anything in that relationship. And, girl, you don’t have trust
because that guy has already lied and gone behind your back and he’s probably
cheated on you behind your back and he’s probably been with other women—who
knows? But you can’t trust him and you can’t live with somebody that you can’t
trust. Cut the strings. Move on with your life.
You’re not doing anything wrong in God’s eyes. You need to move on. It’s him
that’s left you. You haven’t divorced him. You haven’t left him. He’s left you.
Get out of that situation and move forward with your life. And everything is
going to be all right. Put your trust in God. Don’t be downcast. I think you’re
putting too much confidence in him, and I think you’re looking at him. He’s got
way more value in your mind than he needs to because he’s not worth holding on
to. He’s a liar and a thief—he’s stolen from you, taken from you, taken
advantage of you. Don’t give in to that; you’re too valuable and too precious
for that. You’re too valuable and you’re too precious to be giving yourself to a
guy who’s not faithful, who’s not loyal, and who can’t be trusted. I wouldn’t
advise you to stay in a relationship like that.
The truth will make us free. Jesus said it. “You shall know the truth and the
truth shall make you free.” Yield to the truth. Don’t hold on to your feelings.
Don’t hold on to your opinions that are not in alignment with God’s Word.
Sometimes we just want to protect our feelings when what we need to do is to
follow God’s way. “Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all
these things will be added to you.” Do things God’s way. And all these things
will be added to you.
I strongly encourage you to stop being co-dependent. We’ve got to stop thinking
that a man or a woman is going to satisfy us. They never will. They never can.
You can be with the greatest men and greatest women in this world; you can be
with all the most beautiful women or with the richest men in the world, and
you’ll never be satisfied until Jesus Christ fills your heart up. He’s the only
source of true satisfaction.