Relationships - Family - Relationship - Family General

When you read Proverbs and other passages, I’ve notice many warnings for men about women. Proverbs 5 is just an example. Also, 2 Timothy talks about women’s attitudes in the end times. I firmly believe that we are in the final days as you say, because I am personally experiencing and meeting women that have no boundaries. It’s scary to be a guy looking for a marital partner. I also understand a man’s choices and responsibilities so I’m curious about how you feel about God’s message for men.

First of all, just because you’re meeting women that don’t have any boundaries doesn’t mean that there aren’t women that do have boundaries. There are a lot of women that do have boundaries.

Maybe you’re just not meeting women like that and maybe you need to checkout where you’re meeting women. What is the pool that you’re swimming in? Because you need to get in a better pool where there are women that fear God, that hate sin and that love the Lord with all their heart.

The fact that there are women that don’t have boundaries is not a sign that we are living in the last days. Yes, we are living in the last days, but the evidence that we are living in the last days is not because there are many women out there that don’t have boundaries. There are a lot of men out there that don’t have boundaries either. People have had this problem for years and years and years – men and women that didn’t have boundaries.

The ultimate question is what you as a man do about it. You need to rise up and be a man of God who holds up a high standard of morality and a high standard of integrity. That’s what God is looking for; men of integrity, men of honor, men of respect, men that are willing to have self-control and self-government and govern themselves even when nobody is looking. Character is what you do and how you act when nobody is looking. We need to be men who are willing to be examples in these last days of men of stature, men of valor, men of honor, men of integrity and men who restore masculinity to the body of Christ.

I believe that masculinity has been stripped from America and stripped from the body of Christ. It’s hard to understand what a real man is any more and we need to identify that. We have a great teaching called “Biblical Manhood,” and you can go to the Online Bookstore section of our website and get that teaching. I strongly urge you to get that teaching. It’ll really minister to you and help you.

What do you look for in a woman? You look for a woman who fears the Lord. Proverbs 31 says that “A woman who fears the Lord, she is to be praised. Charm is deceitful, beauty is vain, but a woman that fears the Lord, she shall be praised.” That’s what you should look for in a woman and that’s what you should be trying to go after.

Also, get involved in a singles ministry at church because it’s healthy and wholesome. It is not full of lust where people are just going after one another’s flesh. It is a place where people can truly build godly relationships. That doesn’t mean that just because you go to our church that everybody’s going to live right. There may be people in this church that don’t have boundaries also, but at least it’s a good pool to start swimming in. And don’t take that literally, but follow the principle there.

Relationships - Family - Relationship - Family General

How would you discipline nieces and nephews when they are at your house?

It’s really a difficult situation to discipline somebody else’s kids. What you can do is work out an arrangement with the parents in advance and say, “OK, let’s make the ground rules up front.” So, establish the rules up front and then establish the consequences of breaking those rules up front and enforce those consequences thoroughly and consistently. Make sure you have a partnership, an alliance, with the parents so that they’re going to enforce the same consequences that you’re going to enforce so that that everybody’s on the same page.

The key to raising kids is to not let them off the hook. Don’t excuse or rescue children from the consequences of their behavior, or the consequences of their bad decisions, because you’re only going to cripple them in the end.

So with other people’s kids, make some rules, establish some consequences, and get the approval of the parents to be able to enforce those consequences. If you’re ever going to physically spank a child, get the approval of the parent, if it’s a relative. I wouldn’t encourage you to ever do that with friends. But if it’s a relative and they want you to spank their child on their behalf, then get their approval.

I would get it in writing because you don’t want your nephew suing you, saying “My Auntie, hit me and I’ve got all these bruises.” You wouldn’t think that stuff like happens, but it does. So rules, consequences, the enforcement of those consequences, and get agreement with the parents that they’re going to enforce it the same way.

Relationships - Family - Relationship - Family General

I have a brother who is autistic. He’s a special adult and he lives in a special facility for people like him and he gets medication for his disability. I’m struggling with the guilt that I feel every day because I feel like he should be with me. He’s 25 now and I’m 32. I’m financially not able to take care of him because I have a daughter of my own.

Unless you are better equipped with more time and more energy and more skill at caring for him than this group who is caring for him now, you would feel even more guilt if you tried to take care of him because you wouldn’t be able to do an effective job at it. I would encourage you to let go of the guilt. Realize that he’s in the hands of the people that can care for him the best right now. Until you can get into a position where you’re more capable financially and time-wise, then don’t beat yourself up about it because you love him. You can pray for him and go visit him.

Don’t feel like you’ve got to carry the burden of guilt because Jesus has paid the price for your guilt and you’ve done what you could do for him. Now you need to put it over into the hands of the people who are skilled to minister to him. Guilt is from the devil. If there’s something that you know that you could do for him, then do it. But don’t live in guilt.

Life’s too short and if he really could give you the honest answer, he would tell you, “Please don’t feel guilty for me. Live your life.” Live your life for him. Let him live a life through you by living your life to the full; serving God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength.

Relationships - Family - Relationship - Family General

It seems to me that the role of men in the household has been diminished. Men are just not taking a lot of responsibility. Nowadays, if you meet a man to date, they ask you for money or they want to do things really premature, just not being a man. I wanted to know if there was a reason for that as compared to the old days when instead of dating you for several years, a man would marry you and take responsibility and be the head of the household.

I’ll tell you what the problem is; we’ve got the “Peter Pan Syndrome.” Men don’t ever want to grow up. They want to be boys. They want to be full of lust and full of pride and full of ego and they don’t want to be responsible and show the honor and the respect that they need to show towards God first, and towards their wife and towards their children.

It’s not unmanly to realize that we have weaknesses and that we have temptations that we all deal with in life. What makes a man is that he recognizes his weaknesses, recognizes his shortcomings, recognizes where he could be tempted and makes up his mind to live by the Word of God. It’s not how we feel.

The problem is that we have a lot of men that live based on their feelings and not based on the Word of God and based on principles. So we’ve got to get away from that Peter Pan spirit; men that don’t want to grow up, men that don’t want to be responsible, that don’t want to provide for their household, men that don’t want to get a second job if they have to.

You ladies out there, stop giving it all away for free. Stop letting a man have everything that you have and giving your body to these guys thinking that that’s the only way they’ll love you. If that’s the only way they’ll love you, they’ll never love you because there’s no honor in that. Stop crippling these men.

Women, listen to me. Say no, say no, say no, say no, say no. Put a price tag on you and the price tag is they will have to marry you and they will have to have some money in the bank. Let them know they have to have their own apartment, their own refrigerator with their own food in it, their own CDs on the living room table because they are not going to listen to your CDs, eat your food, drive your car and live in your apartment.

Ladies, listen to what I am saying to you right now. You be tough and be bold and stop giving in to these wimpy, weak, sissified, Peter Pan men and then you’ll see some men rise up when you carry yourself with dignity as well.