Marriage - Marriage General

I’d like to know if a marriage can be successful after two people have lived together and had sex before marriage.

Yes, it can, if some adjustments are made and if some corrections are made in your lives. In other words, you have to look at what are the things that were in your lives that caused you to live together before you were married and caused you to have sex before you were married. Identify the root causes of what caused you to do that.

And it’s not just “we liked each other, we loved each other.” No, there are root reasons why you didn’t have self-control, why you didn’t honor each other, why you didn’t protect each other’s integrity and reputation. There are reasons why you did that and you need to identify what those reasons are and fix those things in your life and the other person fix those things in his or her life and then you can have a successful marriage as long as you build your lives and build your marriage upon the principles of God’s Word.

If you never had sex before marriage, and if you never lived together before marriage, that’s not a guarantee that you’re going to have a successful marriage. The guarantee of having a successful marriage is doing things God’s way. If you do things God’s way, then you are going to get God’s results.

Marriage - Marriage General

Why should a woman get married?

For your question in Genesis chapter 2 the Scripture says, “A man shall leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife and the two shall become one.” The Scripture says that God instituted marriage and it is a holy relationship. Throughout the Scripture it says marriage is to be undefiled. Marriage is a gift from God.

Why should a woman get married? The Bible says, “Better it is to marry than to burn with passion.” When you are filled with desire and filled with passion and the desire to be intimate with someone you should express that only in holy matrimony. It is not just a piece of paper; it is a commitment. It is making a commitment to someone and saying I am willing to commit myself you. But I am not giving myself to you until I commit myself to you and you commit yourself to me.

Marriage - Marriage General

My fiancé and I would like to get married but we cannot afford to live on our own. Is it ok to live with one of our parents after we get married?

I don’t recommend it for people at all, especially if you’re just getting married. If you’re just getting married and you need to depend upon your parents, then chances are that you’re not ready for marriage. Go ahead and live with your parents, but live with your parents by yourself and not with your spouse.

Don’t get married until you’re ready to move out of the house and be responsible on your own. Otherwise, you’re just grown up teenagers. You haven’t really grown up; you’re just teenagers that are in 20 or 30 year old bodies. You just need to grow up and take care of your own responsibilities and be able to provide for yourself and a family before you venture out into marriage.

One of the biggest problems in marriage is finances. So, get it together on the front end and you’ll reduce the opportunity for the devil to interfere with your marriage and the opportunity for you to have all sorts of problems by dealing with finances on the front end.

Marriage - Marriage General

When does a married couple know that it’s time to get professional counseling; that it’s something that they can’t handle on their own? Should they seek secular or Christian counseling? My husband and I have been married 25 years and we just seem to have this pattern of behavior that just keeps going round and round. As much as we don’t want to, we keep falling into the same patterns and it’s just gone on for too long.

I’m sure that’s frustrating. The best time to get marriage counseling is before you get married. I believe that the more intense the marriage counseling people can get before they’re married, the better off that they’ll be after the wedding.

Now, having said that, obviously, that doesn’t apply to your situation. So, I believe that people should not wait until a situation is dangerous before they get counseling. I believe that in your case, since it is a pattern that keeps occurring, you should get counseling right away. You should start calling around tomorrow for the right counselors instead of waiting any longer.

I think that people who have good marriages should not be ashamed to get marriage counseling as well to tune up their marriage. Some people think they have good marriages only to find out they really don't when something tragic or something dramatic happens. I highly encourage people to get counseling once a year who don’t even have marriage problems. That would be my recommendation.

So get marriage counseling right away. Call some people tomorrow. I don’t believe you should get secular marriage counseling. I believe you should get Christian marriage counseling from a Christian marriage counselor who is equipped and very knowledgeable about the mind, the soul, the heart and the spirit, not just the spirit. Because you don’t live with your husband who’s just a spirit. He has a body and he has a soul. And you need somebody that understands the spirit, soul and body. So good Christian psychologists are the place to start your search.

Marriage - Marriage General

Is it proper for a married man to want to keep his relationship with his ex-girlfriend? He feels guilty because she was pregnant when they were going together and she had an abortion. They both agreed on the decision but now that he's very strong in his faith in God, he feels that he should be there for her. As his wife, I strongly disagree and feel hurt that he thinks this way.

You have every reason to feel hurt by that because that obviously shows his insensitivity to your needs. Never, ever is it appropriate for a man in a marriage to ever be in a relationship with a previous girlfriend or ex-spouse ever.

It’s inappropriate for him to be in relationship with a woman, period, besides his wife and his daughters and his mother. What kind of involvement he should have with his mother should be very limited because a man should leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife according to Genesis chapter 2. If he’s supposed to leave his father and mother, how much more should he be leaving his ex-girlfriend to cleave to his wife?

Absolutely, unequivocally, no, no, no. If he wants to have a relationship with his ex-girlfriend and comfort and encourage her, then you need to be his ex-wife. That’s what I would encourage you to do. You do not need to be married to a man who wants to maintain that relationship because he think he’s the one who can save this girl from her situation.

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