Relationships - Dating - Is this My Spouse?

How do I know if someone is God’s appointed mate for me?

Well, when you get to heaven, you’ll know for sure. You know there are a lot of people that could be a good mate to anybody so you have to seek God with wisdom and knowledge and you have to make the best choice that you can make.

Is there a perfect choice out there? I don’t know. There are good choices and then there are bad choices and then there is the best of the good and you decide what that is. Is this person grounded in faith? Is this person grounded in their relationship with God? Is this person grounded emotionally? Financially?

If they’re sound and grounded in those areas, then they become a candidate to be that person. Then if they have common interests with you and have common visions and dreams and goals, then it’s all the more to reinforce if this is God’s will for your life. You can be in the will of God marrying a number of different people; not all of them at the same time, obviously-you’ve got to be married to one person.

You have decide if this is the best person for you based on the things that you desire and the things you believe God has shown you. Your spirit will know, your heart will know, your emotions will know, your family members will know, and that person will feel the same way about you as you do about them. You add up all those things and you’re going to be fine.

Relationships - Dating - Is this My Spouse?

I’ve been in a relationship for a year. I know that you always preach about a man having substance and that there is a certain role that he needs to play during courtship. In the year that I’ve been in this relationship, I just don’t feel that there is any substance. Is there is any Scripture in the Bible to give me some guidelines? I just don’t feel that I’m very good at this, but the Spirit tells me that after a year I need to get out of this one.

Well, if you are not seeing substance in his life after a year and you are not seeing him growing as a believer, you are going to have to move on. It may be painful, but it’s the right things to do.

As far as your future, I believe that there are several characteristics to look for in a person and see things developed in a person if you are going to court them and if they are going to court you:

1. He needs to be rooted and grounded in a relationship with Jesus Christ.

2. He needs to be rooted and grounded in the Word of God. Ask him what Scriptures he’s been reading and meditating on. Know where he is with his daily walk

3. He needs to be rooted and grounded in a church. Does he serve in that church? Does he have a servant’s attitude? Is he plugged in? Psalm 92:13 says that you will flourish when you are planted in the house of the Lord.

4. He needs to be rooted and grounded in love. In other words, when pressure is on him, what is his character like? Does he get mad and upset and lose his temper?

5. He needs to be grounded financially. Is he handling his money right? Does he take care of his bills? Is he honest and truthful?

6. He needs to be grounded emotionally. An unstable person is not somebody that you want to live with. You want a man with backbone . . . a man who knows his God and makes decisions and sticks to his word. The Bible says is James 1:8 that a double-minded man is unstable in all his ways.

Men like this exist – they really do! You keep plugging in and standing on that Word, and I just agree with you right now for a man of God to come into your life who will be grounded in these things. In Jesus’ name.

Relationships - Dating - Is this My Spouse?

I am attracted to someone at church and I believe it’s mutual. I know that I am to wait on God for a spouse, but how do I know whether it’s this man in particular?

There are a number of ways to know. First, is he a godly man? Is he living by the Word of God? Is there fruit in his life? You’ve got to ask yourself that question because the Bible says you know the tree by the fruit it produces.

You also have a witness in your heart and in your spirit to know whether something is of God or not. The Bible says in Romans 8:14 that “those who are led by the Spirit have an inner witness; they are sons of God.” So if there is peace in your heart, then that is a good sign that a relationship with this man is of God. If he is living by the Word of God, then that is a good sign. If he is accountable to godly men, that is a good sign. If he is supportive of you fulfilling God’s purpose in your own life and he’s able to provide for you, then that is a good sign.

The main thing is if you are mature and he’s mature, you’ll discover whether a relationship is true during a period of courtship. If, in the end, you both feel that the relationship is not producing a good harvest, you should move on.

Relationships - Dating - Is this My Spouse?

I’m dating someone that comes to church once a month. He says he believes and that he is saved, but does not serve God with his time, spend time reading His Word or tithe. I’m not seeing any fruit. I’m supposed to get married to this guy. He’s a beautiful person to his family, grandmother, everyone. To me, he doesn’t have serving God down. I can’t marry someone that says he believes but he doesn’t believe in tithing.

Let's look at when Zaccheus got saved in Luke 19. Jesus said today salvation has come to your household Zaccheus. Zaccheus came down from that tree where he was watching Jesus and he said, “Lord, half of everything that I have I’m giving away to the poor. Lord, if I’ve wronged anybody, I’m going to recompense them four times what I took from them.” That’s the natural.

It’s like baptism. To me, tithing is like baptism. If you don’t know about it, then God’s not going to hold you responsible for it. Once you know about it, there should be a desire in your heart to want to do it. It should be an automatic response. I’m saved. God loves me. God forgave me. Why would I want to hold anything back from him?

Jesus said you know the tree by the fruit it produces. So, I would evaluate the fruit. I would inspect the fruit in this person’s life. Not just with tithing, but is he reading his Bible? Is he growing? Is his mind or his thinking changing? Is his thinking starting to line up with God’s Word? That’s what I would look for. I would also ask some other people about him. The people he works with, his relatives, the people that know him best, do they see fruit in his life? Sometimes you can be subjective and you’re not objective because you want it to work out with him. You shouldn’t want it to work out if he’s not going to truly serve the Lord.

And when in doubt, you should not marry somebody that you’re not absolutely sure will serve God. It doesn’t come by them just telling you. They have to demonstrate it. Until he demonstrates that, you should hold off the marriage.

Relationships - Dating - Is this My Spouse?

How do I know to choose the spouse that God has for me? How do I pray and receive signs to know the spouse I choose is Gods’ choice for me? I want nothing but God’s will for my life.

In John 7:17, Jesus said, “If you want to know the will of God, are you first willing to do the will of God?” So he gives us an indication there that that there has to be first a willingness for us to do whatever God asks us to do. If we are, then Jesus says that’s how we’re going to first know the will of God. It starts with being committed to doing whatever God wants us to do, before we know what it is. I had to be willing to do whatever God wanted me to do, before I knew what it was, and so do you. That’s step one.

Step two is to look at the person that you’re considering choosing to be your spouse and ask yourself if this person is grounded in the Word of God. Are they grounded in Christianity? Are they grounded in love? Are they grounded in serving God? Do they have a healthy relationship with God? These are some of the questions that need to be asked and that you need to make sure are evident in their life.

A person who is a potential spouse for you has to be rooted and grounded in a church, rooted and grounded financially, rooted and grounded emotionally and rooted and grounded in their relationship with Jesus Christ. If they are, then that’s step two. That’s the second assurance that you can have that this person is of God.

And thirdly, do you get along? Do you have common values? Do you have common interests? When you get together, do you argue, do you bicker? Is it holy? Is there a respect, a mutual respect for one another? And a respect for one another’s destiny and the purpose that God has for each of you.

You have the Holy Spirit living inside of you. If you’re a Christian, if you’re born again, the Holy Spirit lives inside of you and He’ll give you a peace in your heart about this person. They’ll feel the same way about you and there will be a peace.

I’d also get counsel from your parents and see if they bear witness; if they have a sense of confidence that this is of God. I’d also get counsel from the leaders of your church and ask them to pray with you as well. Get your parents to pray with you and get your pastors to pray with you.

With all that in mind, I believe that you’ll know clearly if it’s of the will of God. I hope you’ll follow those steps and follow those principles.

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