Relationships - Family - In Laws


03/05/2006
I've been married twelve years and I'm still having problems with my mother-in-law. When she comes to my home, she feels that I should leave my bedroom so she can talk privately with my wife. They close the door to my bedroom and that makes me uncomfortable. I've explained to my wife that they need to discuss these things at dinner, not in my home where I feel put out.

First of all, nobody should be alone with your wife behind a closed door in your bedroom. It does not matter who it is. Nobody. That is the sanctuary of your family and your home. You need to be the leader of your home and make sure you’re protecting your wife from her mother.

You need to take charge of your home. Take charge of that situation and kindly ask that they refrain from doing that because you won’t have that in your home. Let them talk openly.

Anything hidden will come to light. What is there to hide? What is there that needs to be talked about privately with your wife outside of your involvement? All matters should be disclosed between a husband and a wife. If there are private things now, there will be worse private things later. I would steer away from that.


Relationships - Family - In Laws


03/05/2006
My sister-in-law is very judgmental. She continues to poke at me and complain to my wife about me. This is while she’s having an affair and wants to leave her family. How do I deal with her barrage against me without exploding and retaliating?

The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 15:33 that, “Bad company corrupts good morals.” Don’t put yourself in a position where you’re constantly going to judged, berated, and beat up. You have to choose whom you’re going to surround yourself with. You have to be strong enough as a man and leader to say to your wife, “I love your sister and I’ll pray for her, but it’s unhealthy to be in a relationship like that.”

At the same time, you also have to be man enough to live your own life and not let others people’s criticism affect you. You live your life and let people treat you as they will. But you treat others the way you want to be treated and you’ll be blessed in the end. Let it go, forgive her, and then be cautious with how much time you spend around her.


Relationships - Family - In Laws


03/05/2006
How do you handle a Mother-in-Law that constantly interferes in your marriage, in the discipline of your children and in where you go to church? You have to agree with her on all things, and not only take her advice, but also put it into action in your life or you are rejecting her? Also, how do you deal with the husband who allows the Mother-In-Law to do that?

You’ve got to pull your husband aside and you’ve got to grab him by the nape of the neck or grab him by his ears… No, I’m just kidding.

You’re going to have to get a hold of this man and you’re going to have to say to him, “Listen, the Bible says when you get married, ‘you leave your father and mother and you cleave to your wife.’” Fundamental foundation of marriage. Genesis chapter 2. You leave your father and mother and you cleave to your wife. Your husband needs to leave his mother and cleave to you; leave Momma and cleave to wife. That’s the bottom line.

If he can’t do that, if he’s not man enough to stand up to his mother, then maybe you shouldn’t be with him. You know, I hate to put it that way but if the situation is as you say it is, if she is that domineering and that controlling, you really need to get some counseling right away.

Here’s what the Bible says to do, first go to him and talk to him about it, number one. If he doesn’t do anything about it, then, number two: take somebody with you. Get a pastor, an elder, a leader in your church who has responsibility and authority, get him involved and go to your husband. If he still doesn’t respond, the Bible says that you have no alternative but to go to your church and get your church’s help and say, “Look, please help me deal with my husband.” The current situation is not appropriate.

The husband and the wife are responsible for the marriage, the discipline of the children and where you go to church. You shouldn’t have to agree with your Mother-in-Law on everything or take her advice or you’re rejecting her. If she feels rejected, then reject her. And tell your husband that’s the way it’s going to be and there’s nothing else you can do about it. You didn’t marry your Mother-in-Law, you married this man. That’s the bottom line.


Relationships - Family - In Laws


03/05/2006
My fiancé and I would like to get married but we cannot afford to live on our own. Is it ok to live with one of our parents after we get married?

I don’t recommend it for people at all, especially if you’re just getting married. If you’re just getting married and you need to depend upon your parents, then chances are that you’re not ready for marriage. Go ahead and live with your parents, but live with your parents by yourself and not with your spouse.

Don’t get married until you’re ready to move out of the house and be responsible on your own. Otherwise, you’re just grown up teenagers. You haven’t really grown up; you’re just teenagers that are in 20 or 30 year old bodies. You just need to grow up and take care of your own responsibilities and be able to provide for yourself and a family before you venture out into marriage.

One of the biggest problems in marriage is finances. So, get it together on the front end and you’ll reduce the opportunity for the devil to interfere with your marriage and the opportunity for you to have all sorts of problems by dealing with finances on the front end.