Marriage - Deception


26/04/2006
Is it wrong in God’s eyes to lie to your husband?

Absolutely, no matter what it is about, you need to tell the truth. Lying is sowing a negative seed and you’ll get a bad harvest from that seed in your marriage. So don’t do that. Make sure you tell the truth and the truth will make you free. If you lie, you are sowing seeds of mistrust and betrayal. You need to make sure you sow the right seeds in that marriage, the seeds of truth.

Marriage - Deception


26/04/2006
If you’ve committed adultery, should you tell your spouse?

Absolutely, relationships are built on trust. If you don’t tell your partner, then you might as well leave the relationship. The relationship is built on trust. If that means the partner should leave, let them do so. They need to have the freedom. You’ve already withheld the truth long enough. Don’t withhold it any longer. If that means you run the risk of losing your spouse, then so be it. You’ve got to give people the freedom to move on with their lives once the truth is told. And don’t make somebody else tell them. Don’t make the Holy Spirit tell them. Everything that’s hidden will be brought to the light, so you might as tell them yourself.

Marriage - Deception


26/04/2006
I’ve committed adultery in the past. I went to God and asked for His forgiveness and believe that I’ve received grace. Do I need to confess this to my husband?

First of all, I believe that when you go to God and you receive His forgiveness and grace, you are cleansed from that sin. With adultery, however, even though you are cleansed from it as far as God is concerned, you have to realize that the sin you have committed against your husband is the sin of the betrayal. You have betrayed his trust. To continue to live with this past would hurt you, and that would hurt your relationship in the future; it would open you up to some other stuff that you don’t want to open yourself up to.

The devil is the father of lies. When you basically live a lie by treating your marriage, and communicating to your husband, as if you’ve never committed adultery, you have to restore the trust. And you have to afford him the option to move on with his life if he chooses to do that. Anything other than that is propping up the relationship under a false foundation and you don’t need to be doing that. You need to go to him with the truth and give him an opportunity to forgive you.

I know men who have withheld the truth from their wives because they think that they would have had hell to pay if they confessed. I’d rather pay the hell now then to put up with the deception that will grow in my heart, the mistrust that will grow in my heart and the seed of mistrust that I’m sowing into my spouse’s heart. I would never want to live with that for years and years to come.

When we’ve seen this kind of confession happen in our congregation, we don’t mind having a counselor there so that it is done softly, gently, and in the right manner. You do it however the Lord leads you to do it. But regardless you have to give him the freedom to make up his own mind and not withhold that from him because it will only hurt you later.


Marriage - Deception


26/04/2006
Is it wrong in God's eyes to lie to your spouse about tithing with the money that they give you?

Yes it is wrong to lie to your spouse. It is always wrong to lie. You should not have to lie about anything. Is there that much mistrust in your marriage? Yes it is wrong to lie to your spouse about tithing. It is wrong to lie to your spouse about anything.

I have had people say, “Well I have cheated on my wife and I ended that relationship but I have not told my wife. Is it ok to let sleeping dogs lie?” No because those sleeping dogs are going to wake up and bite you in the butt one day.

So what you need to do is get with a counselor in a controlled environment and talk to you spouse about some of the things you have done that have wronged him or her. Why should we be people who live a lie then have to live in that guilt for years and years of our lives?

I know people who think they are happily married but they have a past that is haunting them and they are afraid to tell their husband or their wife because of what they might do to them or that they may leave them. Why should you be imprisoning your husband or wife by your deception? Give them that freedom. They should have the right to leave you if you have done something that merits them leaving. You are manipulating them by not telling them the truth. We always need to be telling them the truth. And of course speaking the truth in love and doing it in the right fashion and manner.