Parenting is one of the most rewarding - and most challenging
- jobs out there.
As an encouragement to fathers, I want to share with you eight ways to become
a better father.
Even if you're not a father yet ...or your kids have grown up and moved away
...or you're a single mom raising children without a father, there's something
in this list for you.
But don't read these points and tuck them away for another day. Start acting
on them right now - it's never too late to become a better father! Your children
will thank you!
1. Get to know God as Father
God is the ultimate Father...loving, wise, encouraging, slow to anger. As a
father, you are His representative here on earth, and if you get to know Him
better, you can better parent your own children. So spend time in prayer. Spend
time in the Word. Spend time building a relationship with your Heavenly Father.
Understand that He loves you, comforts you, protects you, provides for you ALL
THE TIME ...and you'll be better able to do the same for your own children.
2. Give your children a sense of belonging,
acceptance, and identity.
Remember how much God the Father loved His Son. He loved Jesus from day one -
before Jesus accomplished anything, before He laid hands on one person or
preached one sermon.
So don't treat your children as an interruption. Don't make them feel that
they're in the way. You're a parent and your job is to do the parenting!
Make sure your children feel that they hold a unique place in your special
family. They belong there, and what matters to them should matter to you. If
they bring you a problem - a bully at school or a tough test ahead - talk to
them. Listen to them. You may have faced the same predicament as a child and
know that it's not a big deal. But to them right now, that problem is a big deal
- maybe the biggest one they've faced so far in their lives.
3. Embrace your children.
One of the best ways to give your children that sense of belonging is to hug
them - even when they wiggle out of your arms. Hugs are therapeutic and give
children acceptance, love, and warmth. Studies even say that they reduce the
risk of sickness and disease!
4. Love & Respect their mother.
A sense of security comes to children who see their father respect their mother, whether they are married or divorced.
If married, Ephesians 5:25 says, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church." Christ loved the Church unconditionally, uncompromisingly, sacrificially, continuously. Love your wife like that, and your marriage will blossom... and your children will blossom too.
If you are divorced, you still have an awesome responsibility for your children. Respecting their mother and treating her with dignity is a must. Put your personal grievances aside and for the sake of your love for your children, treat their mother with honor. This will comfort and stabilize your children.
5. Respect your child's thoughts, feelings, and
Please, guard your tongue. Don't let the words, "That's a dumb idea. That's
stupid." ever come out of your mouth. If you had come up with that idea, maybe
it would have been dumb. But since your child did, it's the best one you've ever
6. Keep your promises.
Be careful of the promises you make. Love says, "I will never break my
promise." So, again, you have to watch your tongue. Get it under control, and
don't commit to something you can't make good on. When you say you'll do
something, do it!
Keeping promises also builds trust. When your children have grown up and are
no longer under your care, they'll be able to trust God because you paved the
way. Your behavior can offer them a glimpse of their Heavenly Father!
7. Encourage your children.
The first part of Ephesians 6:4 says, "Fathers, don't exasperate your
children" (NIV). In other words, encourage them! You can do that through kind
words - like, "You're so smart." "You're a thoughtful child." "I'm proud to be
your father." You can also do that through your actions. So, smile at them! Give
them more hugs!
Sometimes it's easy for us as parents to forget that our kids aren't little
adults - they're children. They don't have all the skills grown-ups do. So, when
your daughter knocks over the lamp in the living room, for example, show her
understanding. Don't discourage her, and don't rebuke her for being
uncoordinated or clumsy - her body just isn't done growing.
8. Teach them the Word.
The second part of Ephesians 6:4 says, "Bring them up in the training and
instruction of the Lord" (NIV). So teach them the Word; encourage them to build
their lives on it. And let them see you following the Word yourself. They'll
thank you for this for the rest of your life.
A note for single mothers: If you're a mom raising your children on your own,
you can do it. Many of the principles above can be applied to your situation.
Sure, you need to make up for the lack that your kids are experiencing, for the
father that's not fulfilling his obligations. But God is on your side. He's a
"father to the fatherless" (Psalm 68:5). You're not doing it alone.
God bless all of you as parents.
In His love, Gregory M. Dickow